40+ Terrible Puns to Torture Your Soul

Author image for Brad Dickson
Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Sep 2, 2022 2:30 PM EDT

This ample collection of puns is sure to torture the very fibers of the being of your soul. If I was wittier, I would write some puns of my own here but you're just going to have to make do with some that I've stolen about writing instead.

"I'm starting to write a book about a tornado disaster

It's just a draft at the moment."

"What do u call a zombie that writes music?

A decomposer."

"My cavewoman girlfriend dumped me.

I should have seen the writing on the wall."

"I'm writing a book about reverse psychology.

Please don't buy it."

 

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  • 01

    Pun enters a room and kills 10 people.

    Font - Pun enters a room and kills 10 people. Pun in, ten dead
    via by bobthefunny
  • 02
    Font - rox-and-prose Follow I think a common mistake people make about puns is that they often believe puns are meant to make people laugh. This is not so! The emotion that puns are meant to elicit isn't joy, it's rage. herbertwest Follow Puns are meant to inflict punitive damage
    via by bobthefunny
  • 03

    FAMILY PLANNING ADVICE

    Rectangle - FAMILY PLANNING ADVICE Use Rear Entrance
    via by bobthefunny
  • 04
    Font - Simon Holland @simoncholland I noticed my wife and kids were wearing vests so I put one on just so I could say "vest day ever" like a million times. Then I took it off just so I could mention that I wasn't as invested as they were.
    via by bobthefunny
  • 05
    Font - Ygrene @Ygrene [me as a knight] Me: squire, young squire...do you have the time? Squire: sir by the judge of the sun, it is 3pm Me: wrong squire, it is (shutting visor) knight time 11/02/2018, 14:30
    via by bobthefunny
  • 06
    Font - JP Jordan @jp_jordan Dracula is never rebooted, merely revamped 2:29 p.m. 28 Apr. 22 Twitter for Android . 5,367 Retweets 125 Quote Tweets 33K Likes
    via by bobthefunny
  • 07

    A cookie to whoever can figure this one out. I can not for the life of me.

    Twig
    via by bobthefunny
  • 08

    That poor shark looks like he has a loose canine

    Mouth - It's his favorite spot in the whole house. babyanimalgifs.tumblr.com itsagifnotagif That poor shark looks like he has a loose canine >
    via by bobthefunny
  • 09

    Urine Danger

    Dog - CAUTION 007 Tapirs Can Spray Backwards 7-10 Feet Please Stay Alert! URINE DANGER blue-eyes-white-dargon: internetcallgirl: "URINE DANGER" GOD DAMMIT ITS ALSO A PUN IM REALLY ANGRY
    via by bobthefunny
  • 10
    Rectangle - just-shower-thoughts: is If "womb" is pronounced "woom" and "tomb" is pronounced "toom", shouldn't "bomb" be pronounced "boom"? is that a pun death-limes.tumblr.com
    via by bobthefunny
  • 11

    They dilate

    Font - After you die, what part of the human body is the last to stop working? Your pupils; they dilate
    via by bobthefunny
  • 12
    Font - Aaron Chewning @AaronChewning apparently my aunt fell at a winery and got a concussion so I said Sauvignon Bonk in the family chat and no one acknowledged it ***
    via by bobthefunny
  • 13

    Imma cashew!

    Cloud - Imma cashewy No you Wallnut
    via by bobthefunny
  • 14
    Car - Mmm, Pi... MMM 314
    via by bobthefunny
  • 15
    Font - Robert H. Woodman @RobertHWoodman Eating too much cake is the sin of gluttony. However, eating too much pie is okay because the sin of pi is always zero. 9:42 AM 25 Jul 21 Twitter Web App 383 Retweets 54 Quote Tweets 1,915 Likes ***
    via by bobthefunny
  • 16
    Plant - INDIAN HILL SU COMMUNITY CENTER PUNS ABOUT COMMUNISM AREN'T FUNNY UNLESS EVERYONE GETS THEM
    via by bobthefunny

    How do you kill a circus? Go for the juggler.

  • 17
    Font - If the person who named Walkie Talkies named everything Stamps = Lickie Stickie Defibrillators = Hearty Starty Bumble bees = Fuzzy Buzzy Pregnancy test = Maybe Baby Bra =Breastie Nestie Fork= Stabby Grabby Socks Feetie Heatie Hippo = Floatie Bloatie Nightmare = Screamy Dreamy
    via by bobthefunny
  • 18

    Family court courtroom...

    Brown - PULL OUT 201 Family Court Courtroom
    via by bobthefunny
  • 19
    Organism - I HAVE THIS PHOBIA THAT MY ROOF WILL CAVE IN ON ME I THINK I HAVE TRUSS ISSUES made on ingur
    via by bobthefunny
  • 20

    Groundbreaking Inventions

    Product - Groundbreaking Inventions
    via by bobthefunny

    She had a photographic memory, but never developed it.

  • 21
    Food - abchannahxyz: tastefullyoffensive: After stewing in his emotions, emo veg comes to the conclusion that the root of the world's problems is that people don't seem to carrot all. [obvincognito/tabizine] This is single handedly the best foking pun joke I've ever seen on this damn website. Source: tastefullyoffensive 72,202 notes *** 11
    via by bobthefunny
  • 22

    "Dominoes"

    Motor vehicle - 76 ㄴ KR69 YTV VTALECE 20
    via by bobthefunny
  • 23
    Forehead - When Nance asks what time your dentist appointment is and you say "tooth hurty" cuz you feel like being a silly goose today dreamstim @middleclassfancy dreamstime
    via by bobthefunny
  • 24
    Font - I found a pun that works in both English and Spanish ravenstagsmooches: Where do cats go when they die? Purrgatory. ¿Dónde van los gatos cuando mueren? Purgatorio.
    via by bobthefunny
  • 25
    Plant - YOU CANT PLANT FLOWERS IF YOU HAVENT BOTANY
    via by bobthefunny
  • 26
    Font - @rheajoshiji why is "dark" spelled with 'k' why not with "c" Harshit Gupta @_meme_vy... because you can't 'C' in the dark
    via by bobthefunny
  • 27
    Product - Stephen Fry @stephen... 11h v I think we can all agree that this is a fine headline Volunteers polish giant's erection by hand metro.co.uk 644 L 4,427 28.2K National Trust @natio... 15m ✓ Hi Stephen, our top priority has always been taking care of our members. .
    via by bobthefunny

    Geology rocks but Geography is where it's at!

  • 28
    Font - colonelfind-it a dnd party of made up entirely of orc bards NO colonelfind-it an orchestra fourletterepithet
    via by bobthefunny
  • 29

    "Unpresidented"

    Plant community - MOUNT RUSHMORE BEFORE IT WAS CARVED Its natural beauty was unpresidented.
    via by bobthefunny
  • 30
    Vehicle - Dads naming boats might be my favorite thing ever ABOAT TIME WOOD TOO UNSINKABLE II ST. THOMAS WOOD NOT CIRRHOSIS OF THE RIVER Feeling nauti D Pier Pressure AQUA VANCOUVER THE DAD HOLIC
    via by bobthefunny

    I want to be cremated as it is my last hope for a smoking hot body.

  • 31

    Soldier in a teacup? Infan-tea? Someone help me out here.

    Hand - The best part of waking up is...
    via by bobthefunny
  • 32
    Plant - Prism, dear. But it's only a light Sentence. Mum, where do bad rainbows go?
    via by bobthefunny
  • 33
    Clothing - IF A PSYCHIATRIST PUTS YOU IN A STRAIGHT JACKET YOU'RE SHRINK WRAPPED. imgflip.com
    via by bobthefunny
  • 34
    Font - Pun PunHub hub @PunHubOnline What has four letters, occasionally has twelve letters, always has six letters, but never has five letters
    via by bobthefunny
  • 35

    4U2PN2

    Home appliance - Somebody waited their whole life to write this serial number American Standard Style That Works Better SERIAL#: SAN 2000-400 PEXT AND WAR 4U2PN2 CE >
    via by bobthefunny
  • 36
    Font - My wife just completed a 40 week body building program this morning Wholesome It's a girl and weighs 7lbs 12 oz. + 4.4k 67 BEST COMMENTS Share alnono. 2h This is the perfect dad joke because it literally made you a dad. generalbootman - 1h S1 Award No it made him a daughter Reply 876 573
    via by bobthefunny
  • 37

    Say it three times fast...

    Sky - If you open a furniture store and don't name it this, what are you even doing with your life? E SHACK OF SIT FURNITURE SHOWROOM XXTE Sealy Posture MATTI SAI
    via by bobthefunny
  • 38
    Watercraft - swankydesserts I went to a 90s themed party last night piesandfalcs it's a cup cake 01 26 minty-me You're too young if you don't know how good that pun truly is
    via by bobthefunny
  • 39
    Font - Don't run with bagpipes. You could put an aye out. Drag տոնուսավաթ Damjan Cha Or worse yet, get kilt.
    via by bobthefunny

    40. What did the grape say when it got crushed? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

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jokes dad jokes puns joke funny bad puns
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